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  Nate crushed Liz to him and held her tight. It ripped him apart to see her like this. Even though it was her secret which ultimately tore them apart, he still felt like it was his fault. If he hadn’t been so focused on the company and his ‘life path’, Liz would probably have felt she could talk to him and the last three years would have been drastically different. Guilt continued to make him nauseous as he stayed crouched beside her and held her.

  * *

  Desperate and clingy, the voice in the back of her mind yelled out. Alicia tried in vain to silence it as she made her way to the beach by the restaurant Nate and Liz were meeting at. She’d just received the news that Phillip was dead from an overdose of sleeping pills though, and she needed Nate’s quiet comfort. All he had to do was hold her and she would feel like everything would be all right.

  Desperate and clingy. Suck it up and sort it out yourself. Great sex and soft cuddles isn’t love, the voice continued. He’ll cut his meeting short and continue to have unresolved business with his ex. Do you want that? it persisted. “Oh shut up,” she mumbled, swiping at tears. A couple of passers-by glared at her. She ignored them, not giving a damn they thought she was talking to them. She was angry. Even though she’d sensed the end for Phillip after their walk on the beach yesterday, she resented the fact she’d been right.

  After her shower and a light breakfast, she decided she would talk to Nate and see if he wanted to spend a few extra days with her. If he said yes, then she was going to extend her vacation. If he said no, she would leave in the wee hours of the morning as planned. James’ phone call changed all of that in a big hurry.

  Now she had to go home because the morgue refused to hold Phillip’s body. There was also the not-so-small fact her former employer had planned everything out in advance, including the return home of his remains, which, wouldn’t you know it, just happened to coincide with the flight he’d booked for her.

  Several not very nice names and uncharitable thoughts played through her mind as she considered just how meticulously Phillip had planned everything. He probably thought “good old dependable Alicia” would drop everything in her life to take care of him like always. Unfortunately, right on the heels this thought came guilt. If her parents were still around, they’d give her heck for thinking ill of the dead.

  Great. Now you’re thinking about your dead parents! the voice chastised. Alicia had to press her lips together to keep from crying out.

  By the time she reached the restaurant some several minutes later, she’d managed to calm herself enough to keep from doing something ridiculous like throw herself into Nate’s arms the moment she saw him. Her plan was to let him know she was there, then head out to the beach so he and Liz could keep talking if they needed to. Hopefully he wouldn’t cut things short just because she was there. If he did, she’d feel guilty and she’d already had enough of that for one day.

  Knowing Nate preferred the patio to being indoors, she scanned the tables for him. When at first she didn’t see him, she turned to go inside. Then, out of the corner of her eye, she saw a woman hunched forward and sobbing. She stopped to look briefly, partly out of a desire to help if she could, but mostly out of a morbid sense of curiosity. That was when she realized the sobbing woman was Elizabeth and that Nate was holding – no crushing – her to him in a very loverlike fashion.

  All at once, Alicia felt her stomach bottom out and her heart splinter into a thousand little fragments. The intensity of her emotions so staggered her, she actually fell back a step before clumsily turning and blindly heading back the way she’d come. This time, the only thing the voice in her head was saying was, I told you so.

  Chapter 18

  The only lingering negative aspect in his and Liz’ lives was Jared. Three women, other than Liz, had come forward with allegations of rape, so he wasn’t getting out of jail any time soon. Nate was also taking steps to have him removed from the company. Thanks to Dana, Legal and Accounting were both working on assembling their cases. Apparently Jared took Dana’s daughter on a date, once upon a time ago, and it very nearly ended in the same way his evening with Liz did.

  Then, of course, there was the very long talk he had with Liz. After an initial awkward bunch of minutes, when he was first back in his seat, struggling to eat cold toast, he and Liz worked through absolutely everything, including the division of the things they’d accumulated as a couple. He was more than happy to give the apartment and its contents to her, but she didn’t want it. With wry amusement, she admitted the only thing on her list of any importance was the crystal, or what was left of it. They both had a good chuckle over that.

  As a peace offering of sorts, he also tried to give her the balance in their joint account. After choking on her water, she gave him hell and insisted she could take care of herself, “thank you very much!” They argued and in the end she relented and took half. It wasn’t much, but at least he knew she had a nest-egg to fall back on if she needed it.

  Every now and again he started to feel guilty for leaving Alicia in the lurch. Whenever he did, Liz excused herself to use the restroom so he could call her. It was only the fact Alicia didn’t answer at all that kept him at the restaurant. He figured she was either sleeping or gone for a walk and would get in touch with him when she saw his number on her call display.

  “Buy her some flowers,” Liz told him when they finally got up to head their separate ways. “Just don’t go with roses. I don’t think she’s a roses kind of person.” Even though it should feel awkward to have one’s ex suggest flowers for his new love interest, Nate didn’t feel uncomfortable at all. He couldn’t help grinning as he explained Alicia had already told him she preferred wild flowers picked by the side of the road. Since he’d already been gone for so long and going for a drive wasn’t an option, he settled for a mixed bouquet from a vendor.

  Maybe I should buy out his entire stock, he thought as he headed for Alicia’s room. Nate imagined the space filled with bright colors and glowing white candles of various sizes and very nearly turned back toward the elevators to do just that.

  The sight of a maid’s cart across from her open door kept him going forward though, his good mood dying by quick degrees. There was only one reason for a maid to be working this late in the day and it was a reason he hoped wasn’t true.

  The maid, a single ear piece blaring some form of heavy instrumental music, backed out of the room. She started when she saw him, her expression surprised. Then she saw the flowers and her eyes filled with sadness.

  “Oh sir,” she said quietly, her accent strong. “She has checked out.”

  Nate felt like he’d been sucker-punched. He almost staggered back a step as the maid went on to explain a friend of Alicia’s had died and she was responsible for getting his remains home. He heard what the woman was saying, but it wasn’t registering. Not fully. It didn’t make sense. If she could lean on him yesterday, then why not today? Especially after last night.

  Oh God! He swallowed a groan. Had he read too much into things? Had he imagined the connection between them? Nothing about her responses during or after indicated she was unhappy. He even replayed his departure from the room in his mind, concentrating on her face and features. There was no sign she was upset. None whatsoever. What the hell happened?

  The question burned through his mind. Hell, it burned through his soul as he tried to figure out why she would leave without calling. She’d teased him and smiled and kissed him back with as much, if not more, passion than he’d let loose. He could have sworn she was happy.

  Then why? Reeling, he stood there like an idiot and wracked his brains for some kind of clue.

  “Hey Nate. You forgot your – ” he heard Liz call out from behind him. She stopped short, realizing something wasn’t right, then rushed toward him. Seeing her concern almost snapped the thin thread of control he had on his emotions.

  Holy hell! he thought as the emotional extremes of the day coursed through him, one right after the other. The high of waki
ng up with Alicia. The low of learning what Jared did to Liz. The relief and peace of getting his and Liz’ past straightened out so he could have a future unencumbered by emotional baggage, one he’d hoped would include Alicia. Learning Alicia up and left without contacting him at all, not even to tell him things wouldn’t work between them after all. It was all too much. Suddenly, Nate found himself wanting to hurl the flowers onto the floor and stomp on them while raging at the world.

  “Nate?” Liz asked, her voice barely above a whisper. She had something in her hand. He was surprised he’d even noticed, or that he recognized the something as his credit card. He shook his head at her. It was the equivalent of telling her not to ask questions. Then he reached out for the credit card with the hand that held the bouquet of flowers.

  His reaction was purely involuntary. As if they’d scalded him, Nate jerked his hand back, releasing the stems and blossoms. Liz let out a surprised squeak and tried to catch some of them before they hit the floor. Unable to look at them anymore, he stepped over the flowers and stormed toward his room. He remembered his credit card just as he reached his door and spun to go retrieve it. Liz squealed when he almost sent her sprawling onto her backside.

  All of a sudden, images of the first time he met Alicia were playing through his mind. His body even reacted to the memory of the feel of her on top of him. Liz noticed the reaction and stepped back. To ease her mind and avoid her getting the wrong idea, he told her about the meeting.

  “She came around the corner like the demons of hell were chasing her. This,” he said, gesturing between the two of them and signalling their near collision, “reminded me of that. She landed on top of me,” he finished hoarsely, his face flooding with color.

  “Nate, don’t. You deserve better, okay. She – ”

  “Don’t. Please. I – ah – We have a lot to deal with when we get stateside. I am going to pack. Call me if you need anything, okay?” Nate ground his teeth together, praying Liz wouldn’t demand he examine his feelings. If she tried to make him talk, one of two things would happen. Either he would break down and embarrass himself or he would lose it and start yelling at her to leave him the hell alone. If he went off, there was no telling what he’d bring up.

  Thankfully, Liz did know him well enough to realize she shouldn’t push. With an understanding yet sad nod, she gave him his credit card and left.

  Chapter 19

  Three months later…

  “Come in, Miss Danvers. Sit, please,” Judge Michaels ordered. He might have used the word “please”, but his tone said “Do it now, or else”. Alicia swallowed a groan, as well as a not unsubstantial amount of bile and seated herself beside Joey Ostlund and his attorney. Her own attorney, Justin Mager, was already present and accounted for, as would she have been had she not been in the ladies’ room, heaving and convulsing over the toilet. She felt, and probably looked, like death warmed over.

  Before she sat down, she removed her blazer, not giving a good God damn if she looked indecent in her spaghetti-strap tank top and skirt. She’d barely walked into the small, cramped office and she was already over-heating. The judge, nonplussed, looked like he was about to tell her to “show some decorum”. It was one of his favorite phrases. Then, for some reason, he grunted and sat back in his chair.

  Everyone watched as he stood, made his way through the maze of journals, magazines and books piled in precarious stacks throughout the back portion of his office. By the time he reached the window and cracked it open, everyone was holding their breath. An audible sigh went up at the same time the window sash did, only to be sucked back in as he made his way back to his desk. The relieved exhale released upon his return to his seat was much quieter.

  “Let us begin,” Judge Michaels stated, once again all business. Alicia could swear she saw a glint of humor in his eyes as he began to read the document on his desk. For whatever reason, it, along with the frigid air coming in through the open window, helped her to relax and concentrate on the contents of Phillip’s will, rather than her rolling insides and flu-laden misery.

  * *

  “Did you know?” she asked Mager, completely beside herself with shock. Justin shook his head “no”. It seemed he was just as upset as she was. “How could Phillip possibly have amassed so much money? Don’t get me wrong. I know he had a knack for investments, but the numbers Judge Michaels was reading were staggering. I mean, I’ve seen his place. State-of-the-art, top-of-the-line – everything. No expense spared.” She started to shake her head in disbelief then thought better of it. The last noggin bob sent her to her knees over the trash can beside the judge’s clerk’s desk.

  “Joey will contest,” was all Justin said as he held the door open for her. Alicia, about to answer with a very caustic, “Duh, ya think?” stopped short as her friend-cum-lawyer’s jaw went slack. He was looking at the front of her top. More specifically, he was looking at her breasts. With his total, almost stalker-scary devotion to his wife, this sudden aberration from his normal practice of looking all women in the eyes made her incredibly self-conscious. Just as she started to look down at herself, he hissed at her. “Jesus Christ, Alicia! Put your jacket back on!”

  Her brain nearly stopped functioning entirely when she heard Justin say the words “Jesus Christ” with so much force and anger behind them. His wife, since her bout with cancer, was very religious and, by extension, so was he. It was unheard of to hear him using the Lord’s name in vain, or his son’s for that matter.

  All Alicia could do was stand there, open-mouthed and staring as he glared at her. Of course, when she didn’t move fast enough for his liking, he took her blazer from her and worked her into it with enough brute force to make her snarl.

  “What the hell, Justin,” she snapped. He didn’t answer. Instead he dragged her out to the ancient elevator and stabbed the “down” button. His face was puce. “Red” didn’t do it justice. She watched as he started to pace, a common sign of agitation to be sure, but with Justin, it was different. When he paced, his whole upper body bent forward so he looked like someone had stuffed an over-long pole up his backside. He acted like it too, if anyone dared to break his concentration. Aggravated, she crossed her arms over her chest, scowling at the discomfort she felt there, and waited for him to speak his mind. It didn’t cross hers to look down at her shirt to see what the big problem was.

  Justin barely took half a dozen steps before he rounded on her and got into her personal space. Alicia squealed and backstepped and he followed, his face hovering mere inches over hers. All of a sudden, her five feet five inches – two of them provided by the heels she wore – seemed extremely insubstantial, compared to his six feet, six inches. Only when she came up against the wall did he stop.

  “I know Eileen and I have asked you this before,” he whispered harshly, his face a mere inch from hers, “but are you absolutely sure this three-month flu you’ve been fighting isn’t something much bigger? Like pregnancy?”

  “What? No!” Alicia squeaked. She shook her head to emphasize her answer and groaned as a wave of nausea washed over her. Fearing the possibility of losing the few sips of water she’d managed since her last bout of heaving, she let her knees go weak and slid down the wall. Given how furious he was, throwing up on Justin didn’t seem like a good idea at the moment.

  “Does brow-beating a pregnant woman make you feel important, Mager?” Judge Michaels asked as he stepped from his offices. Alicia shook her head “no” again, wondering why, all of a sudden, everyone was saying she was pregnant. Sure she and Nate had unprotected sex, but she was on the pill. She’d been on it since she was sixteen. Her doctor suggested she stay on it, even when she wasn’t sexually active in order to regulate her cycle. She tried to tell the men that but a wave of nausea hit, just as she was about to speak. It was all she could do to keep from gagging, let alone talk.

  Judge Michaels helped her to her feet just as the elevator reached their floor. As the doors opened before her, terror shot through her hot and int
ense. The thought of stepping into the small cramped box with two other people damn near made her wet herself. With a shriek, she tore out of Judge Michael’s firm yet gentle grasp and bolted for the stairs.

  “After her,” the judge yelled. “Make sure she doesn’t fall.”

  Alicia blew out the side door of the old courthouse building like steam from a geyser, almost taking out a hapless pedestrian as she went. If Justin hadn’t been hot on her heels – a bad choice of footwear in the middle of winter – she would have slipped and skidded into the alleyway and into the path of an oncoming delivery truck.

  “What the hell, Alicia?” he snapped, yanking her backward. He pinned her roughly against him and held her there as the driver of the truck reacted badly to her sudden appearance. His vehicle fishtailed the rest of the short distance to the main artery and barely managed to stop before colliding with a city bus. The near miss wasn’t what had her attention, however.

  No, instead her mind was riveted on the fact the front of her body, beneath her jacket, felt wet and cold. Her blood turned to ice in her veins as terror unlike anything she’d felt in her life swept through her. It made her heart pound painfully in her chest and her brain short-circuit. With a groan, she fainted dead away.

  Chapter 20

  “I’m surprised he pled guilty,” Liz said quietly. Nate almost didn’t hear her in the crowded hallway of the courthouse. They were waiting for the elevator after hearing a surprise guilty plea from Jared. Even though an additional four women had come forward after learning he’d been arrested, he continued to cry “innocent”. Then today, in a complete about-face, he changed his plea and made his allocution. Neither of them could stomach the thought of staying in the courtroom while he described what he’d done to all of the women present.

  Just as the elevator arrived, there was a flurry of activity in the general direction of the courtroom where Jared was admitting to his crimes. They watched, horrified as one of the women he’d assaulted was carried, kicking and screaming from the courtroom.